He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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