You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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