Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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