If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
