before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
