this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
