So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
