It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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