I hate your face
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
that may or may not have been my penis.
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