Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
