Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
