The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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