I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am one with the molecules
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
