come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
