i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
