It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How naked do you want me to be?
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