every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
