me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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