i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How's work?
Spinning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
