she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
