meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
