ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
