we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
