i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
