He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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