lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
