saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
