whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
