I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
