Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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