She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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