god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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