I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
