like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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