Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
