im holly from the hills drunk
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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