watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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