Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
