he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
