btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
