I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
