Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
