Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
