I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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