piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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