Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
