I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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