I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When are your genitals available?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
