I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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