Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
