and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
love makes seman taste better
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
