i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
