I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
